In the Night.

Before I go to bed each night my mind is flooded with the desires of my heart. The things which weigh heavily upon me seem to all come to fruition there. Tonight's thoughts were all about the twins.

I don't want to be pushed to beg for patience. Lately I have found myself wondering if that is really what I need. God keeps putting images in my head of a different kind of mother. Maybe it is just that my definition of patience isn't quite right. Too often I think of patience as "putting up" with something. I want to personify the whole fruit of the Spirit though: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. I don't think I can truly find joy in "putting up" with something. I want to develop a love for the monotonous. A joy in knowing that there is a goal I will reach. A peace in knowing I'm not alone and in fact it's not me at all who loved and longed to teach them first. A kindness, gentleness and goodness that reflects the delicate beauty of what being a women and a mother should look like. A faithfulness to God's direction that exemplifies exactly that I know deep down God has what is best. And MOST importantly the self control to be all at once from the first breath in the morning to the last at night.

In my plight to be less then satisfied with just being patient enough to teach my children and believing they will not depart from it, God blessed me with something more. I'm not sure I really deserved more or even needed more to continue on, but in my short walk here with Him I've found God really wants to bless us and show us we can't possibly think He does anything less then love us more then anyone or anything this world could try and replicate (Even knowing that this moment of satisfaction in receiving a revelation of God's own heart would probably fade from my memory one day sooner then He would like). I can see it play back in my mind now though. Watching my sons be baptized. Publicly confessing their faith. Falling to my knees with tears of joy at the fulfillment of a life's work. If you listen closely you can hear all of heaven rejoice. There are a lot of things in this world that can feel satisfying, but they are nothing compared to what my God has to offer and what do you ask is the cost of it all?

What can I do for You?
What can I bring to You?
What kind of song would you like me to sing?

'Cause I'll dance a dance for You
Pour out my love to You
What can I do for You beautiful king?

'Cause I... can't thank You enough.
I can't thank You enough
All of the words that I find... and I can't thank You enough.
No matter I try... I can't thank You enough.
Then I hear You sing to me

"you... don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute

Wait... this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here with Me
And love on Me a little longer"

I hear You say...
"You... don't have to do a thing
Just simply be with me and let those things go
'Cause they can wait another minute

Wait... this moment is too sweet
Would you please stay here with Me
And love on Me a little longer
I'd love to be with you a little longer
'Cause I'm in love with you